Why Ken Shouldn't Drink ChuHi
by Sky Rat
Summary: Aya x Ken. Shonen ai. Ken can't sleep, gets drunk, says some WEIRD stuff...Yohji has a field day tormenting Aya. Aya's in denial, and Ken has a mental breakdown. bwahahaha....Gratuitous mentions of Gundams and Evas. COMPLETE!
1. Ken can't sleep

**Disclaimer:** Weiss ain't mine, 'nuff said.   
  
  


**Why Ken Shouldn't Drink Chu-Hi **

  
  
  
Ken looked at his watch.   
  
4:00 am.   
  
He'd been staring at the ceiling for 237 minutes.   
  
He was now aware that it contained 3 cracks, 17 smudges, and 2 dead bugs.   
  
He had also taken note that he was down to his last 2 ½ pairs of clean socks, and that his bedpost had 26 chips in its paint.   
  
On somewhere around the 3914th jump, the sheep demanded overtime wages and went on strike.   
  
This sucked.   
  
Ken sighed and resigned himself to another night without sleep.   
  
_This has been happening a lot lately,_ he thought to himself irritably, _although, I'm surprised it didn't start sooner, considering my line of work_.   
  
But Ken knew that wasn't the real reason he couldn't sleep. Something was bothering him and he couldn't figure out what. There was a small, inaudible voice at the back of his head that was nagging him.   
  
"Shut up," Ken told his head.   
  
"Mmurumble mmbleh," Said the voice.   
  
"I hate you."   
  
"Mehmmbehmum."   
  
"Ouch." Winced Ken, as he smacked himself in the head.   
  
"Hehheheh." Mocked the voice.   
  
Ken gave up. Maybe a walk would help. Exercise usually made him feel better, even if it didn't help him sleep.   
  
He pulled on his coat and boots and snuck out as quietly as he could   
  
_No reason waking up the others and trying to explain to them that he was going out to get away from a voice in his head.... _   
  
Although he stopped to chuckle over a mental image of the look Aya would give him upon said explanation (Aya's glares usually ranged from disinterested to sub-arctic, but he had a special blank and dumbfounded look he reserved especially for Ken.)   
  
He had barely started out before he found himself standing in front of the convenience store down the street. "Hmmm," Ken muttered to himself, "that's as good a place as any to check out." And without further hesitation he swung through the door. He scanned the fluorescent bathed shelves in front of him. Surely he could find something in here to take his mind off lack of sleep?   
  
Rows of 'Hello Kitty' notebooks and pink stationary stared back at him. He turned around to face the magazine rack. Porn...porn...porn...'Shonen Jump'...porn...'Get Beckham' (ooh! Soccer!)...porn...sigh...he didn't really feel like partaking of reading material (or pictures either) at the moment....   
  
He moved on to the refrigerated isle.   
  
_Wow! I never really realized how many brands of tea there are...26..27..28...gah, I need to stop counting things! _   
  
Suddenly he was confronted with the liquor section. "Hmmmm..." an idea began to form.   
  
_Yohji is always praising the virtues of alcohol for combating insomnia...._ Ken mused.   
  
"Eh, what the hell," he shrugged, and made up his mind to try Yohji's theory out.   
  
But what kind to get?   
  
Ken was more of a social drinker--a Sapporo with Yohji, some sake at dinner- -it wasn't typical for him to go out and obtain the stuff himself.   
  
_Hmmm.... _   
  
Beer was sort of boring...he had sake all the time....   
  
He didn't really want any hard stuff at this ungodly hour.....   
  
His eyes fell to rest upon the rows of Chu-hi.   
  
Bright, friendly looking cans adorned with cartoonish writing and pictures of fruit looked back at him enticingly.   
  
"That looks sort of interesting."   
  
But the question of 'what kind to get?' still remained.... there were so many types!   
  
Well, he'd always liked grapefruit...but lemon and lime were almost as good...though he'd never had strawberry alcohol either, and there was also grape, peach, orange, ume, lychee, and hana....   
  
_Hana?! Wow, there's flower-flavored drinks?! What the hell does a flower taste like anyway?!_ Well, in honor of working at a flower shop, that one had to be tried for sure.   
  
But the other kinds all sounded good too... and there were different brands! Suntory or Takara? Merican or Kirin or Asahi? 350 ml or 500?!   
  
In a moment of indecisive compulsion, Ken grabbed a can of each. Then, after a moment's thought, he grabbed a second can of the hana, just for good measure.   
  
He then paused to glance down at his shopping basket full of aluminum cans.   
  
_Yipes, I don't want the cashier to think I'm an alcoholic loser...I ought to get something else as well. _   
  
He walked over to the snack food isle.   
  
"There we go!" he exclaimed as he picked up a Choco egg. "I definitely look like the type of guy who desperately needs the next installment of...."   
  
He raised an eyebrow at the picture of a smiling poodle on the box,   
  
"...the domestic pet miniature figurine series."   
  
"Not a lame-ass drunk," he reassured himself.   
  
The cashier barely even seemed to notice the fact that Ken had just rung up 3800 yen worth of booze at five O'clock in the morning, nor the apparent wrongness of making such a purchase from a place called 'Family Mart.'   
  


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

  
  
Ken sat sprawled on his bedroom floor, his recent purchases splayed in front of him. He started out with the Choco egg, breaking it in half and pulling out the plastic capsule hidden within. He opened the capsule to reveal a jumble of unidentifiable plastic pieces.   
  
_This doesn't look like a 'domestic pet miniature figurine'!   
  
Aw crap! 'Some assembly required.' _   
  
After several minutes of accidentally jamming parts into incorrect slots, he finally held up the completed figurine.   
  
It was a cat. A small, ruddy brown cat, which looked exceptionally pissed off.   
  
"Ha ha!" Ken giggled at the expression on the cat's little plastic face. "I'll name you 'Abyssinian.'"   
  
He set the cat gently on the floor, and reached for the nearest can on Chu- hi.   
  


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

  
  
  
**A/N:** Chu-hi is a fruit flavored carbonated alcohol, sort of like 'hard lemonade' but in a lot more flavors. It's basically alcoholic soda. I left the original Japanese names of the following flavors (mainly because they didn't sound right to me translated): Ume (plum), Hana (flower). 


	2. The next Morning

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
_This chapter is dedicated to my friend Arvanah Modray, and the letter 'W' _   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
It was 10:00, and Ken was late for his shift in the shop. Aya was not about to handle the hoards of screaming fan girls alone, and stomped up to Ken's apartment to wake him up.   
  
"Hey, Ken, are you up?" asked Aya, as he knocked on the door.   
  
Silence.   
  
"Ken! Did you hear me? Are you there?"   
  
If there were crickets to hear chirping, Aya would have heard them.   
  
This was weird. Was Ken sick? It wasn't like him to leave before a shift and not say anything....   
  
"Uh, Ken, I'm coming in."   
  
Peeking around the door, Aya was encountered with the last sight he expected to see. Ken was laying on the floor, with his feet on the bed, his head resting in a puddle of syrupy looking liquid. There were more empty cans adorning the floor than he wanted to count...and it looked like he'd been...playing with action figures?   
  
Aya promptly removed himself from Ken's room and stomped down to Yohji's apartment.   
  
"WAKE UP!"   
  
"Zzzz... Huh? What?"   
  
"Yohji, get up. NOW."   
  
"What the...it's not my shift today! What are you doing waking me up at this inhumane hour?!" whined Yohji.   
  
"This is your department, not mine," growled Aya, and dragged Yohji up the stairs, shoving him into Ken's room.   
  
"YOU deal with this."   
  
"Oh...my...god."   
  
"Ken...is...drunk?!"   
  
Yohji paused and smirked at the situation. He pretended to wipe a tear from his eye.   
  
"Awww...my little Kenken is all grown up."   
  
"This isn't funny," grumbled Aya.   
  
"Actually, I think this is very funny," retorted Yohji. "You just don't have a sense of humor."   
  
"Shut up," said Aya.   
  
The commotion of Yohji and Aya's bickering stirred Ken into semi- consciousness. He opened one eye and surveyed his two comrades standing in his doorway.   
  
"G'd morn'n..."   
  
"MORNIN'!" beamed Yohji, fake cheerfulness plastered across his face.   
  
Ken tried to sit up, rubbing his head as Yohji walked partway into the room.   
  
Yohji stopped, as his eyes fell upon a pair of Ken's action figures which had been left in a rather…questionable pose.   
  
"Uh Ken....I don't think that an Eva and a Gundam would feel that way about each other...."   
  
Ken looked at Yohji and then down at his action figures; a look of fierce concentration across his face. He sat in thought for a moment before answering.   
  
"No. You're wrong. I figured something out last night."   
  
"And what was that?" asked Yohji, humoring him.   
  
[Author's interjection: The following analogies are the result of Ken being drunk off his ass. They are meant to be completely and utterly retarded. I see no legitimacy in them, so don't go trying to read depth into this, 'kay?]   
  
"The Eva and the Gundam need each other." Ken stated matter-of-factly.   
  
"They...they looked so sad by themselves..." Ken said, mournfully eyeing his toys, "and then I thought about how much it must suck to be the Eva...."   
  
"I mean, it's got two different parts to it, always in conflict...." he continued, "one part is controlled by its pilot, but the other is locked away, separately," he picks up the little blue mecha, "and it's made to do stuff regardless of what it might want."   
  
"It feels _pain_ Yohji!" Ken wailed, shaking the Eva in righteous angst, "not like the Gundam."   
  
_Wow_, thought Yohji, _Ken is most definitely still drunk_.   
  
"But the Gundam isn't happy either!" he added, "it's empty! It's nothing without it's pilot!"   
  
The Gundam soon joined the Eva in Ken's fist.   
  
"I mean, it sucks to be the Eva, but maybe the Gundam would still want to be more like that."   
  
"It's stable, but it's empty...." lamented Ken. His eyes were actually starting to tear up now.   
  
_He's not just still drunk! He's WASTED._   
  
"You know...did you ever notice that life's kinda like a TV show?"   
  
"You mean like one of those tacky seventies sitcoms?" asked Yohji.   
  
"No, more like an Anime series...." Ken clarified, "uh, as long as I was already on the subject, take Eva, for example."   
  
Yohji sighed.   
  
"Look at Aya, he's the cold, stoic one, sorta like Rei."   
  
"And you, you're like that cool guy that everyone always likes........ Damn, I never remember his name...."   
  
"And then there's Omi...."   
  
"Uh....Omi...."   
  
"Yeah, Omi's Definitely PenPen."   
  
_Mental note: Start restricting Ken's TV access _   
  
"Oh yeah! Persia fits too! He's like Gendo!"   
  
Ken stops to think about this for a minute.   
  
"Well, actually, he's not at all like Gendo...but they both have beards!" Ken nods to himself as if this were a truly profound discovery.   
  
"And then there's me...." Complete seriousness resumes on Ken's face.   
  
".... I don't fit...."   
  
"Everyone has a counterpart but me." Ken's eyes were starting to tear up again.   
  
"And that's...."   
  
"That's...."   
  
"That's why, **I** am a GUNDAM!"   
  
"Ummmm...okaaaay...." Yohji starts massaging his head. Hell, now he felt drunk. He turns to Aya, "There's no cure for this state of incapacitation. He's going to need to sleep it off. I guess I'll take over his shift, okay?"   
  
"Whatever."   
  
Yohji started to make his way towards the lump-on-the-floor-that-was-Ken. He suddenly felt something sharp digging into the bottom of his foot. "OOOWWWWW!" yelped Yohji, "what the fuck is that doing there?!"   
  
He briefly hopped on one foot and once his balance was regained, swiftly kicked the foreign object away from him.   
  
It flew against the wall and promptly broke into several pieces.   
  
Ken scrambled to the wall and, grief-stricken, gathered the remains of his "domestic pet miniature figurine series cat."   
  
He stared at the disassembled 'Abyssinian,' his grief slowly turning into rage.   
  
"YOHJI!" Ken screamed, "how...could...you...."   
  
"How could I what?" Yohji asked, baffled.   
  
"YOU KILLED AYA!"   
  
Yohji merely stood there, completely dumbfounded. "I what?"   
  
"YOU KILLED HIM!!"   
  
Ken was starting to choke up. He stumbled to his feet, and took a blind swing at Yohji's face. Yohji of course was able dodge Ken's fist easily, which in turn resulted in Ken losing his balance and falling back to the floor. He sat there, sobbing loudly, with a very eerie blank expression on his face.   
  
Yohji picked Ken up and dumped him unceremoniously on his bed. "It's bedtime for Ken."   
  
Ken continued to stare blankly.   
  
"Hey, Yohji?" he suddenly questioned.   
  
"Yeah Ken?"   
  
"Did you ever wonder why Doraemon has no ears?"   
  
Sigh.… "No Ken, I can't say I've lost much sleep over that."   
  
"He's a robotic cat...if his maker spent all that time putting him together, why didn't he go ahead and give him ears too? It wasn't very considerate of him."   
  
"No Ken, I suppose it wasn't."   
  
"I wonder if Doraemon's embarrassed that he doesn't have them?"   
  
"The world may never know." sighed Yohji.   
  
"Speaking of cats...."   
  
"I...uhh...." Ken was starting to loose coherency as sleep re-claimed him.   
  
"G'night Yohji."   
  
"Goodnight Ken."   
  
Yohji backed out of the room and shut the door. He and Aya both turned to each other and exchanged worried glances.   
  
"Well..._that_ explains a lot..." Yohji muttered, more to himself than out loud.   
  
"What do you mean, 'that explains a lot'?" asked Aya, suspiciously. "That made about as much sense...as...Manx wearing socks with those high-heeled dress sandals."   
  
"You didn't get it?" Yohji asked, somewhat surprised.   
  
_Duh, of course he didn't get it. Aya is about as perceptive to other people's feelings as a hunk of granite. _   
  
"I think..." Yohji began, putting his arm around his redheaded companion, "that our little Kenken just confessed his feelings for you."   
  
"He did nothing of the sort."   
  
"Oh, but I think he did. Just now (in a backwards, metaphorical way) he just declared he's in love with you. Or do you deny the Gundam's dependency?" (At this part, Yohji had a very difficult time not falling over into fits of laughter. But that would have hardly boded well with Aya.)   
  
"He didn't mean it." Aya snapped.   
  
"Oh, but I think he did."   
  
"Look Yohji, he's drunk. Remember that Christmas party last year? Ken had too much eggnog, so he asked for some coffee to sober him up? And Manx gave him _Irish_ coffee? He spent the next two hours ranting about how the hors d'oeurves were talking to him."   
  
"Yeah, I remember that." Yohji replied, seriousness regained, "Afterwards he completely broke down and started crying that if he'd been more attentive to Kase, he might have noticed something was wrong, and prevented everything that happened to him." Yohji pointed right at Aya, "Ken's pretty honest when he's drunk."   
  
_Not to mention that was Rei's Eva on the floor next to the Gundam, heh heh. _   
  
"It...meant...nothing" was Aya's icy reply, as he walked away without another word.   
  
Omi suddenly appeared, yawning sleepily. "What's going on?"   
  
"I'll tell you when you're older," Yohji replied, ruffling Omi's hair.   
  
Omi glared at him, but too tired to argue, stumbled back to his room.   
  



	3. Yohji isn't helping

  
Yohji couldn't believe he had just voluntarily taken someone else's morning shift. But then he also couldn't believe that he had just seen Ken reduced to an incoherent drunken stupor (in the morning, before work, no less.)   
  
Yohji couldn't believe he had just voluntarily taken someone else's morning shift. But then he also couldn't believe that he had just seen Ken reduced to an incoherent drunken stupor (in the morning, before work, no less.)   
  
Although he liked to project himself as lazy and self-absorbed, he did actually care about his fellow teammates. And the scene he had just witnessed worried him. A lot.   
  
"Hmmm..." Yohji pondered to himself. "It looks like it's going to be an interesting week."   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Meanwhile Aya was back in the shop waiting for Yohji to show up for work. Since it was still morning, the Koneko was mercifully quiet, leaving him alone to think.   
  
_What's gotten into Ken?! That wasn't like him at all...he's usually pretty responsible....maybe he's gotten down over Kase again? He's says he's ok, but I can tell it still bothers him...._   
  
_....and what's gotten into Yohji, for that matter? He couldn't have meant what he was saying....right? No, that's stupid. He was just trying to make me uncomfortable. He's a real jerk sometimes..._   
  
"Ow!"   
  
Aya looked down at his hand, a bruise starting to form where he had just dropped the flowerpot he'd been holding.   
  
_Get a grip Aya! I can't let myself get distracted so easily!_   
  
However, he was immediately re-distracted by the loud bang of the backroom's door flying open as Yohji made a noisy appearance.   
  
"Goooood Moooorning!" He announced musically. He was entirely too cheerful for being up before lunchtime.   
  
_This doesn't look good._ Thought Aya.   
  
"Wipe that idiotic grin off your face, and start restocking the display cases."   
  
"Sure thing, Prince Charmin'. " Yohji began to whistle.   
  
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, while you get your ass over to that display case."   
  
Yohji did as he was told, but not before giving Aya a very suspicious smirk.   
  
_Quiet. Glorious, blissful quiet._ Thought Aya. Which lasted an extensive span of five minutes before Yohji decided it needed to be broken.   
  
"There were beeeells on a hiiiiill, but I neeeeever heard them riiiinging...."   
  
"Shut up Yohji."   
  
"Nooooo I neeeeever heard them at aaaaalllllll....."   
  
"SHUT UP YOHJI!"   
  
"Tiiiiiill there was yooooooouuuuu...."   
  
Yohji danced over to the counter and twirled a bouquet of gentians in Aya's face.   
  
"TIIIIIIILLLLLLL.....THEEEEEREEE...WAAAS....."   
  
"Yohji," Aya's voice had become dangerously quiet.   
  
"Hm, this bouquet looks a bit bland," started Yohji.   
  
"Yohji...."   
  
"You know what would make it prettier? A rose."   
  
"Yohji..."   
  
"Yep, a rose would really...."   
  
Aya grabbed Yohji by his shirt and slammed him against the wall.   
  
"Yohji, if you don't shut up right now, there will not be enough pieces left of you for the police to find."   
  
"Oh wait, that's right." He continued, "I'm in Weiss. I don't need to worry about the police."   
  
He let go, and Yohji slid to the floor. Without even glancing at Aya, Yohji got up and trudged back to the neglected display case. Aya could just barely make out the mumbling under his breath.   
  
"....you don't deserve him anyway...."   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
I know Yohji and Aya are a bit OOC (is it possible to write Aya in character for a shonen ai/yaoi??) ...but I think Ken will be a little more in character once he's awake and sober (at least I'm going to try)....   



	4. I didn't mean it, right?

  
As Yohji made his way into the kitchen for his 15th cup of coffee, he mentally congratulated himself for surviving the morning without getting chopped into itty bitty pieces by his red-headed co-worker. It was truly a fine art to so thoroughly irritate Aya and live to relish it.   
  
He stopped in his tracks though when confronted by the site of Ken standing listlessly at he bottom of the stairway, bleary eyed, and toothbrush dangling from the corner of his mouth.   
  
"How are you feeling?" Yohji immediately inquired.   
  
Ken jumped a little at the realization of another's presence.   
  
"Huh? Oh.....awful." Ken replied, "Did we have a mission last night? I feel like there's a railroad spike lodged in my head."   
  
"You don't remember?" Asked Yohji, not completely surprised.   
  
"No, What happened? Last night is completely blank..... That Schwartz bastard wasn't messing with my head was he?"   
  
Yohji chuckled. "No, if anyone was messing with your head, it was _you_."   
  
Ken look confused. "What do you mean?"   
  
"You got wasted last night."   
  
"I..did..what?"   
  
"You more or less drank yourself unconscious. I think I counted around 14 or 15 cans on the floor when I checked on you."   
  
It took a few seconds for the real meaning of Yohji's words to fully sink into Ken's thought process. "WHAT?!" He couldn't have...could he? That wasn't like him at all! Why would he do that...?   
  
Yohji noted that Ken now looked twice as confused as before. He must not be able to remember what had caused him to buy the alcohol in the first place, either.   
  
"So...you really don't remember _any_ of it?" Asked Yohji, cautiously.   
  
"No, is there something I ought to?"   
  
"Well...you sort of...." Yohji paused to weigh the consequences of telling Ken. It would probably be better not to say anything....but....if ken found out later (especially from Aya) he'd be even more embarrassed (not to mention mad at Yohji for not telling him)...oh, what the hell, here goes, "You sort of confessed your feelings to Eva prototype 00."   
  
The confusion in Ken's face was now off the charts. "What the hell are you talking about?!"   
  
"You told Aya you love him."   
  
Amongst the stabbing pains of his headache, Ken's mind slowly pieced the meaning of this last sentence together. _Aya....Love....told....ME?!....I told AYA that **I** LOVE him??!!!_   
  
BAM! Mental shields in Ken's head instantly slammed back up. But not before that voice in his head managed to slip through and repeated what Yohji had just told him, but with a lot more certainty.   
  
Ken felt his legs go numb and found himself on the floor, still weakly clinging to the stair railing. _I didn't, did I? I couldn't have.....I mean I....I don't....I'm not.....oh.my.god._   
  
"Yohji?" Ken's voice had dropped to almost a whisper. "I'm really....really tired....I...I need to go back to bed....sorry...."   
  
If Yohji hadn't already been convicted of his interpretation of Ken's drunken monologue, the look of pain that briefly flashed across Ken's confused expression had him convinced now. He was glad Ken hadn't still been standing on the stairs when his legs gave out.   
  
"Sure thing. You should definitely rest some more."   
  
Ken barely even made eye contact as he turned and started to climb the stairs. Yohji could make out that ever-so-slightly, he was shaking.   
  
"Uh, Ken? I'll be down in the flower shop if you need anything, ok?"   
  
"...yeah..." was all that Ken managed to choke out.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Ken didn't leave his room for hours. The throbbing in his head seemed to compound by the minute. He longed to be able to fall asleep and escape the pain in his head. What he longed to escape even more though, were the thoughts in his head. He thought he was going insane. No matter how many times he processed the events of the past 24 hours he still couldn't get them to make any more sense.   
  
Ok. So he'd gotten drunk.   
  
He could accept that, it made enough sense. It was unlike him, but not unbelievable. He wished he could remember why he'd done it though, that was probably a significant piece of the puzzle.   
  
But what exactly did he do when he was drunk? What was everything he said? How the hell did telling Aya he loved him come out of it?! And now, the scariest part...WHY had he said that?   
  
His stomach sank every time he reached the end of this train of thought. It wasn't possible that his so-called confession was true, right? He admitted that he had some sort of feelings for the man, but that was true of all of Weiss. They were his family. He cared about them, and it would hurt if anything happened to any of them....but that was it, right? He didn't have _those_ sorts of feelings for him...could he?   
It slowly dawned on Ken just how much Aya had been invading his thoughts.   
  
"Gah!" Ken groaned in frustration, and buried his head under his pillow. _Why why why why o why did I have to go and do a stupid thing like get drunk!? Why did Yohji and Aya have to find me? Why am I so uncertain about whether I meant it or not?!_   
  
Ken took a breath and tried to compose himself. _No, I didn't mean it. I know I didn't. He's just a good friend, and I'm getting confused from being around him so often. I don't even remember what I said, so I couldn't have meant it. Everything is fine, it'll be back to normal by tomorrow._   
  
After this reassurance, Ken decided to leave the sanctuary of his room and venture out for food. He hadn't eaten anything since the night before, and was slowly becoming aware of just how hungry he was. He'd find some painkillers for his headache while he was up too.   
  
He had barely made it to the fridge when he heard the sound of a door opening behind him. Turning around, he was greeted by the sight of none other than Aya, who merely nodded at him and continued on his way to the cabinet. Ken's hunger was instantly forgotten, as he felt his face heat up and a knot form in his stomach. Without even thinking he bolted back to his room. Door closed, he allowed himself to sink to the floor and burry his head between his knees.   
  
Damn. He _had_ meant it.   



	5. Escape!

  
It had been a week. A week that had felt like a month, no, more like a year. Ken's nerves were shot. His whole world had been reduced to a black and white contrast of time where had had to be around Aya, and time he could get away. Every time the redhead so much as looked at him, Ken could feel his stomach knot up and his face turn crimson. And Aya was acting so...so..._normal._ As if he had never witnessed him drunk, and there'd been no confession. Had Yohji actually told him the truth? Maybe Aya really didn't know anything was wrong. Maybe if Ken could just get his act together, everything really could go back to normal.   
  
But normal seemed out of the question. Being around Aya now was just too...weird. No matter how hard he tried to get himself together, he was struck by inescapable nervousness and uncertainty every time he looked at the man. After the seventh time that day Ken had found himself hiding in the kitchen, he reached a conclusion.   
  
_I have got to get away from this._   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
The sound of someone moving in the hallway caused Yohji to look up from his late night TV session. It was extremely unusual for anyone else to be up this late, other than him of course. He wavered for a moment between checking out who was up, and continuing with his show. He glanced longingly at the racy scene that was starting to develop on the TV, but then surrendered to responsibility and got up to see what was wrong. There had just been too much tension in the air this last week for him to ignore stuff.   
  
He was glad he did, when he was met by the sight of a very suspicious Ken, duffel bag over one shoulder, sneakily fumbling at the front door.   
  
"You're not going somewhere without inviting me, Ken? I'm hurt."   
  
Ken jumped from the intrusion of the voice.   
  
"Yohji! I...er, I'm just...." excuse escaping him, Ken trailed off into silence.   
  
"I...I need to get away for a while...please don't try to stop me Yohji."   
  
"So Kenken's running away. Just where exactly do you plan to go?"   
  
"I don't know....I thought maybe I'd try Australia out....I mean, I was so close to going before...."   
  
"Right." said Yohji, a little sarcastically, "And just what do you plan on doing once you get there, huh? I hate to remind you, but your English, quite frankly, sucks."   
  
"I was going look for Yuriko. I'm sure she'll help me figure things out..."   
  
"Oh, I should have seen that one coming. You're going to look for Yuriko. Do you even know what part of Australia she went to? It's a pretty damn big place you know."   
  
"....no...I guess I don't...." _Damn, why didn't I save that ticket? Then I'd at least know which airport to go to...._   
  
"Do you even, for that matter, know her last name?"   
  
This last comment had Ken floored. _Wow. Come to think of it....I **don't**! How could I be such an idiot to have not even found out her name?!_   
  
"Well, no but...."   
  
"And I hate to throw this last one at you Ken, but, do you really think for even one second that she'd be happy to see you after you told her you'd go and then stood her up without even telling her why?"   
  
_Damn.That.Bastard.Yohji. He's doing this to me again!_   
  
"Look, Yohji, I really need to get away. I'll go somewhere else."   
  
Ken pulled his travel atlas out of his bag and closed his eyes, opening to a random page. Upon opening them again, he was greeted by a picture of blue water and tropical leaves.   
  
"Bali. There, I'll go to Bali."   
  
"I hear that's a popular vacation destination for Australians."   
  
"Go to hell Yohji."   
  
"I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you."   
  
Ken suddenly felt very, very tired. He closed his eyes and leaned against the door.   
  
"Please, Yohji...just...please...I can't deal with this...."   
  
"You can't deal with Aya, or you can't deal with _You_ ?" asked Yohji.   
  
"I...I don't know. I'm confused Yohji, and I can't think when he's around me all the time."   
  
"Did you ever stop to think how running away would affect _Us_? How it would affect Weiss? How it would affect us individually?"   
  
Ken just stared at Yohji. "What do you mean?"   
  
"Well I _know_ Omi would miss you, and I know that although he probably wouldn't let on, Aya would miss you, and I can say with the most certainty of all, that _I_ would miss you."   
  
_Yohji would miss ME? Well that was news..._   
  
"And that's not even getting started on all those kids you teach. I mean, I know you don't have the highest self-confidence around, but come on, think a little."   
  
_Why does Yohji have to do a complete one-eighty at times like this? He isn't usually this serious or logical...._   
  
"Are you really ready to hurt that many people, just because you're 'confused'? That's pretty selfish Ken."   
  
Now Yohji was really getting to him. He sighed in defeat. Yuriko had been the last person he'd had feelings for...and he was just so sure that if he could see her again it would help him place just exactly what he was feeling now. Yohji just had to go and throw reality in his face. Damn damn damn damn.   
  
"You're right." Ken sighed again. "Why do you always have to be so fucking right?!"   
  
With that, Ken turned, and for the thousandth time that week, dragged himself back towards his room.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
I admit I've never actually watched Doraemon. For an explanation as to why he has no ears, check Pocky King Windy's first review.   
  
In response to some reviews:   
  
>mara-chan (onejoy1@pobox.com) >yes it is possible to write aya in character for shounen ai/yaoi! go read nekojita_chan's violet eyes! i know this is kinda like advertising, but if you want to learn how to write aya IC for shounen- ai. i personally believe that she is the best author to learn from!   
  
Ok, so what I really meant was, is it possible for ME to write him in character. As you all probably noticed from the first three chapters, nearly everything I write turns silly. I'm working on it though. These last two chapters did get more serious. Thanks for the recommendation. You are right, she is a really talented writer, and I'm always running out of Weiss fics to read!   
  
>Suisei Lady Dragon >And why will Ran be the Eva and Ken the Gundam? Sounds like a Ken/Ran, I don't know for real.   
  
Hm, cause in Ken's rant he was talking about how the Eva was divided into two parts, and Aya's sort of got the dual personality thing going, BUT as I said in the disclaimer, there wasn't really supposed to be much depth to it. It was meant to be a mutual needing each other, I certainly did not intend to foreshadow any domination aspect to the prospective relationship. When you come down to it, I was just being silly.   
  
>schu-chan >i want yohjixken... T.T why, WHY must ppl vote for RanKen? T.T   
  
Why, WHY must people write Ken paired with Shwartz members?   



	6. It's not getting to me

  
Well, I should be working on a paper right now. I should be studying the 47 Japanese words that I'm getting tested on on *friday* (and where only given to me today, grr.) I should be writing a Japanese composition, and doing the 2 pages in my workbook that are due tomorrow. I should be doing a lot of things. But somehow...Weiss comes first.....   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"It's not getting to me." Announced Aya, as if somehow by speaking the words aloud would make them truer.   
  
The problem was, things _were_ getting to him. Yohji's stupid smirks and innuendos were starting to get to him. Ken's complete lack of eye contact and constant disappearances were starting to get to him. Even Omi's overly cheerful attempts to ease the tension were getting to him.   
  
And what got him the most, of course, was that he was letting things get to him.   
  
"It's not getting to me." He repeated, more forcefully than before.   
  
Since that morning in the shop, Yohji had perpetually become more unbearable. He decided that playing music in the shop would help attract more customers, and promptly set up a stereo system on which he kept trying to play a looped tape of 'the Beatles greatest love hits.' Aya had always been more or less indifferent to that type of music, until he was forced to learn just how many love songs the Beatles really had. Within three days, he was ready to strangle whoever had invented the musical recording industry.   
  
Yohji had also ventured out to the library and managed to dredge up a collection of the most sickeningly sappy poetry books he could find. He then proceeded to leave copies of badly written love poems scattered about the flower shop, particularly targeting such places as Aya's calendar book, the front desk, or the shop bulletin board. Aya, in response, would shred them upon discovery, but the supply seemed endless. That is, the supply seemed endless when Aya was alone with Yohji. Not a single trace of Yohji's antics seemed to surface when Ken was in the room. Yes, Aya had obviously been singled out for a deliberate attack.   
  
Speaking of Ken... well, Ken was definitely not helping. Ken hadn't made eye contact with him in over a week. In fact, Ken had hardly been findable in over a week. Every time Aya needed assistance, the brunette was preoccupied helping Omi, or would suddenly remember a forgotten soccer meet, or was sick....or....   
  
Normally Ken acting like this wouldn't have phased Aya. But the less he saw of Ken, the more he had to see of Yohji. And Yohji was wearing him down. Aya in fact, blamed nearly the whole scenario on the smirking bastard. Sure, he hadn't been too thrilled to see Ken drunk, but it was a forgivable offense compared to the number of times Yohji had come home trashed. And it was obvious that Yohji's assumptions where the cause of Ken's weird behavior. He could tell Ken was ashamed of getting drunk--he probably assumed Aya was still angry at him for it (which he wasn't)--and then to add all the idiotic things Yohji had announced afterwards, well it was hardly surprising Ken had gone into hiding. Ken was pretty shy to begin with; he must be utterly mortified.   
  
"Idiot." Aya muttered to himself. _Can't he figure out I'm not about to believe all that nonsense Yohji's spouting?_   
  
_You were drunk. I know you didn't mean it._   
  
Aya leaned against the counter and absent-mindedly began to play with a discarded branch. _Gods, I hope we don't get a mission anytime soon._ Between the four of them, there was hardly enough sanity left to carry out the simplest assignment.   
  
That's right, even Omi had been affected by the situation. Being the alert and compassionate boy he was, Omi had almost immediately picked up that something was amiss. The problem was, he didn't have a clue what was wrong. He had been utterly unsuccessful in all attempts at extracting any information from his older teammates. So Omi dealt with the tension in the only way he knew how. By being cheerful. Omi calculated that if he spread enough sunshine amongst the group, it would inevitably become infectious, and ease some of the stress.   
  
Yes, Omi had notched it up from his regular 'Genki-Omi' mode, to 'Uber-Genki.' Aya had immediately decided that an uber- genki Omi was not a good thing. Omi was now compulsively making cookies, spouting compliments, and offering his help for anything under the sun. He had even taken to leaving little post-it notes around their apartment, with inspirational messages on them. Aya was starting to develop a twitch.   
  
"It's not getting to me." Aya reminded himself.   



	7. Ken's room

  
Hello again! Just thought I'd say that the Freesias are blooming in Japan. La-de-da....   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Ken was getting really sick of his room.   
  
At first it had seemed like a sanctuary. The one place he didn't have to worry about running into Aya and dealing with all the conflicting feelings that said occurrence would inevitably stir in him.   
  
But after two weeks it had turned into a prison.   
  
No matter how hard he tried to stay out of it, the slightest hint of anything Aya-like approaching him would send him fleeing back to its safety. This in turn made him feel like a coward, and sent waves of anger flowing through him once the door was locked and he was safe. Why couldn't he just get a grip and deal with this? Why couldn't he just accept the fact that he liked his teammate and start getting over it? Why couldn't he ignore the way he felt? Why did it have to be AYA?!   
  
_Jeeze...it's no wonder I didn't let myself realize this was starting to happen. My subconscious knows what's good for me, and this is NOT good for me._   
  
About halfway through the second week of all this, Ken had grown so frustrated with his room that he started punching the wall every time he came through the door. His once blank wall was now littered with an array of various sized dents.   
  
_It's a good thing this isn't a traditional Japanese house, or Momoe san would have me evicted._   
  
In the long stretches of time which elapsed between his hasty retreats from and re-entrances into the shop, Ken had run out of things to do in his room, and was growing really bored of staring at the battered wall across from his bed.   
  
So, to pass the time, Ken had started naming the dents.   
  
When he started out, he used Japanese names. There was Masato... Akiko... Takako.... Yumi... Takeshi....   
  
But he began getting bored with that and started searching for more interesting ones. Now he had added Isault, Sven, Helen, Maurice, Kathryn, and George. George was his favorite. It looked a little like a rabbit. Ken felt it was more understanding then the other dents.   
  
"What am I doing?!" Ken suddenly asked himself. "I'm talking to the frickin' wall! Congratulations Ken, you have now certifiably lost your mind."   
  
Ken banged his head against his knees a few times before glancing at the clock.   
  
2:30 pm.   
  
He was supposed to hold a soccer practice at three.   
  
Ken sighed, and let his eyes wander to the wall one last time before hesitantly turning the doorknob and exiting his sanctuary/prison/room.   
  
"I hate my life." He mumbled as he descended the staircase and made his way into the kitchen.   
  
He was startled to find a brown paper bag sitting on the table, with 'Ken- kun' scrawled across the front.   
  
Looking inside, he found several onigiri, a juice box, and an apple. There was also a note, which said, "Good luck with your game!" next to a little drawing of a soccer ball.   
  
Ok, so maybe things weren't _that_ bad.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Onigiri = rice ball. I usually try to use as few Japanese words as possible (I have a rant about that if you want to hear it) but I thought "rice ball" sounded dumb in the context of the story.   
  
In case anyone cares, all of the Japanese names were real people I know/knew. Except Takeshi. That came from my textbook, and was more or less a personal joke. (Isault, Helen, and Kathryn were also real people.)   
  
Response to some reviews:   
  
Misura- Yep, the Beatles have a _lot_ of love songs. Hope nobody thought I was Beatle-bashing. They're actually my favorite band. But judging from several of my friends' reactions to them, it seemed like a great way to irk Aya. I wasn't trying to imply Yohji liked them either. It was all in the spirit of irritating Aya.   
  
Pocky King Windy- I wouldn't necessarily say uber-genki means hyper....Omi is making a deliberate attempt. Sort of forced hyper-ness maybe....I think of being hyper as a sort of uncontrollable thing. Not that I would know. I'm the antithesis of hyper. I can sleep for 12 hours, eat breakfast, and then go take a nap.   
  
>...Yohji sounds like he's Dr. Luv. Which academy did he graduate from? XD   
  
I think I should Let Yohji answer that one.   
  
Yohji: Well, before I made up my mind to switch to forensics, I did a brief stint at Sanko's Super School of Seduction for Skanks....Man, those were the days.....   
  
Arvanah Modray- Hah. Yeah right. As if you would be willing to part with your precious BradxSchu pictures. I dare you. I'll stash them and make me mucho de moola at the next con. Now, as I said before, go draw me some pictures of Aya and Ken, Slacker! 


	8. IDoNotMissKen

  
"Hey Aya! Get a load of THIS one!"   
  
Yohji then cleared his throat and began to read dramatically:   
  
"My love is like a wilting rose--   
That craves a sprinkle   
From your hose..."   
  
Yohji was extremely proud of himself for finishing that one with a straight face. He couldn't believe he had actually managed to find crap of this caliber printed in a book, at the public library, no less.   
  
God, life was beautiful.   
  
Aya had his eyes closed and was trying to imagine he was somewhere else. It wasn't working very well, however. When a person has lived for over two years without a single happy memory that didn't come in hand with a lot of pain, well, it's damn hard to find your "happy place."   
  
Aya opened his eyes to find that the oasis meant for the flower arrangement he'd been working on was now reduced to a pile of green powder. He hadn't even realized he was shredding it. Ok, so maybe things were getting to him. Just a little.   
  
Aya silently swept up the mess, hoping to dispose of the evidence before Yohji noticed that he was having an effect on Aya's nerves. There was no way Aya was going to let him realize the success of his tactics. Maybe if he just kept ignoring him, he'd get bored and give up.   
  
Aya glanced to the side and caught a glimpse of the big grin spreading across Yohji's face. No. It didn't look like Yohji getting bored was anywhere in the foreseeable future. He was enjoying his new hobby of Aya- irking far too much.   
  
Quickly ripping his attention away from his blond tormentor, Aya scowled as he walked back to the storage closet in search of a new oasis. His mind started to wander as his hand fumbled around through the floral equipment. He was starting to miss Ken being around. It was really nice working with someone who could understand you without necessarily having to _say_ anything....   
  
_Woah! Where did that thought come from?! Yohji must be getting to my head more than I thought...._   
  
_I don't actually MISS Ken, right? No, I just want to get away from Yohji...._   
  
_That's right. I just need a break from Yohji. I.Do.Not.Miss.Ken._   
  
Aya mentally reprimanded himself. _I must be getting weak if such childish behavior is affecting me like this. I need to do something about this. NOW._   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
After his shift ended, Aya decided it was his turn to take a trip to the library. It was one place he could go and be guaranteed peace and quiet. He also hoped he could find a book that might help him deal with his new assault of mental stress.   
  
He walked past the 'self help' section, but couldn't bring himself to stop there. Things hadn't gotten that bad. Not yet, anyway.   
  
He found himself confronted by a wall of religion and philosophy texts. A rather lengthy volume on Zen caught his eye, in particular.   
  
_Hm, maybe I should give meditating a try? That might help me ignore Yohji...._   
  
Aya pulled the book down from its station on the shelf. It didn't look as though it had been read in a very long time. He tucked it under his arm, and confidently headed over to a grouping of slouchy looking chairs.   
  
_The idiocy ends here. This is no longer going to get to me. Things are going back to NORMAL._   
  
But after two and a half hours of diligently searching the book for answers, Aya only felt worse.   
  
Before he had even gotten to the section on meditation, he had had to read through pages and pages of lessons preaching the importance of peace and nonviolence. He felt like a hypocrite. And then when he finally found the chapter on Zazen, well, he had to read all about how you were supposed to meditate to bring you closer to enlightenment and--   
  
_Enlightenment. Ha. I don't for a second entertain that I'm headed anywhere other than Hell...._   
  
But Aya gave it a try anyway. And failed. His attempt to completely clear his mind of thoughts had only led him to wonder if this was what being in a coma felt like....   
  
He slammed the book shut and thrust it back onto the shelf.   
  
_I suppose that sort of thing doesn't work for people who use it for the wrong reasons..._   
  
Aya sighed and left the library. He needed some coffee. Some very strong coffee.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Ok, some random comments...   
  
Whine whine whine...KANJI WAS INVENTED BY THE DEVIL TO KEEP ME FROM HAVING A LIFE...ok, I needed to get that out of my system. I hate Kanji. What's wrong with sticking to hiragana? (Please, don't answer that.)   
  
*whines some more* I'm homesick, and I miss MY imouto...sniff.... It's weird that I was finding Aya so hard to write. His character motivation actually makes the most sense to me. ::shrugs:: Oh well. I guess I just think more like Ken (even though I'm not athletic and I'm scared of motorcycles...) ::shrugs again:: 


	9. Through the Looking Glass

Hey! I finally got a long chapter again (well, long for me). It ended up a bit angsty though, heh heh. Sorry! I'll make up for it in the next chapter! I promise!   
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"Would you like Sugar with that, Sir?"   
"No."   
"Cream?"   
"No."   
"Steamed Milk?"   
"....."   
"No."   
"Dulce-de-leche-cream-of-mocha whipped topping?"   
"Black."   
"Oh."   
The waiter looked rather disappointed as he took down Aya's order. "Anything to go with that? We have some excellent parfait this morning, it's really....."   
"Just....coffee."   
"Oh."   
Five minutes later Aya was presented with his chosen, albeit bland, beverage. He stared at the cup's contents for several minutes before touching the coffee. He didn't really feel like drinking it anymore. Something about the waiter had bothered him....he was too cheerful....it sort of reminded him....of...Ken.   
"Dammit" Growled Aya, into his coffee. "What's wrong with me? First I let Yohji get to me, and now I'm thinking about Ken too?! I haven't even seen the guy for over a week! How's he getting to me like this without even being around?!"   
Aya subconsciously knew the answer to this, though. It was exactly his lack of presence that was bothering him. Aya suspected that Ken had persuaded Omi to fix the shop schedule so that they never worked corresponding shifts.... He had barely even run into him within the past few days, and whenever he did, Ken made a point of being too busy to even look at him. All he ever received were curt "Good Afternoons," and maybe a slight nod.   
Aya had found himself sinking into a worse and worse mood ever since the younger assassin had started to make himself scarce. He'd been blaming it on Yohji...but.... maybe.....   
"Stop it, Aya." Aya tried to interrupt his current train of thought before it led somewhere he didn't want it to go. He went back to contemplating his coffee. Usually he drank tea, but there was something comforting about coffee when he felt stressed. It was warm and soothing...and it smelt nice...   
_Ken drinks a lot of coffee....I wonder if that's where he gets all his energy...._   
Aya glared at the coffee. _I'm doing it again! I need to stop letting my mind wander!_   
_This isn't healthy. I need to get myself focused again. I need to get Ken out of my head. I need to get Yohji's stupid taunting out of my head!_   
Almost instantly Aya's subconscious did some taunting of it's own. _But what if Yohji's NOT messing with you? What if it's TRUE..._   
Aya suddenly felt very very uneasy. He got up from the table and stormed into the bathroom at the back of the cafe. Once he was securely alone, he turned towards the bathroom mirror and began scrutinizing his reflection. He scowled at the tired looking pale face that met his eyes.   
"No. It's not true. Why would anyone like me?"  
  
"Yohji's probably just trying to hurt me."   
"I can't let that happen. I'm not letting people hurt me anymore."   
Aya decided to visit his sister before going home. He needed to remind himself of what was important. He needed to clear his mind of stupid distractions. He had priorities to focus on.   
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
Ken grinned as he rounded up the soccer equipment after practice. He couldn't help it; there was something about the carefree happiness of the kids that always made him feel better. He was really glad he'd kept up soccer, even if it was just as a little league coach. It gave him something to look forward too no matter how bad things got in Weiss.   
He pulled the creased note out of his pocket and read it for the fourth time that afternoon. _Good luck with your game!_ Ken smiled again. Omi really knew how to make him feel better. It was nice having a friend that he knew really cared about him. And Yohji was a pretty good friend too... He felt silly for being so depressed lately. He had a bunch of kids that really looked up to him, friends he could count on, soccer...   
_I think....I think I'm going to be ok. I just needed a reminder of the goods things in my life...If I look at things right, I'm actually pretty lucky..._   
He was finally starting to feel back to his old, optimistic self. Ken promised himself that things were going to get better. He didn't need Aya to be happy. He could be happy as he was....   
Ken was so lost in thought that he hardly realized it when he finally arrived back at the Koneko. He was actually whistling as he walked in the door...but quickly fell silent when he turned around and was faced with an expressionless Aya sitting at the table.   
_Remember...you're ok. You're going to set things back to the way they where. You're ok. You can look Aya in the face, and it will be OK..._   
Ken got up the courage to smile. "Uh, Hi Aya...Really nice day out huh?" He laughed nervously.   
The look Aya gave him rivaled any which had been bestowed upon a Takatori. It was glacial. Ken's resolve slipped away before he was even aware what had happened. He felt numb.   
_Aya....   
hates me.   
He...he...hates me._ Ken steadied himself against the door, desperately needing something to cling to. He had been prepared for Aya to not 'like' him...but hate..? No, he couldn't handle that. He couldn't deal with Aya's hatred. Rejection yes...but...not hate....  
  
Without looking at Aya again, Ken swiftly made his way to the staircase. He needed to be alone, and as fast as possible. If he stayed a minute longer, he was going to break down in front of Aya.   
_Then Aya would just find me more pathetic._ Ken thought to himself, bitterly. _It'd only give him more reason to hate me...._   
The bathroom door flew open and Ken leaned over the sink to calm himself. He shakily reached for the faucet, intending to wash the tears off his face....but when he looked up he was distracted by a note tacked to the mirror above.   
"You're special!"   
Ken snapped.   
Now, looking back, Ken realized that Omi was trying to cheer him up. Ken knew that Omi had no idea what was wrong and therefore did not know how his attempt might affect him. Ken even knew that any other day that very same note would have made him smile. But this was not any other day. This was the day Ken realized that Aya hated him. This was the day everything fell apart.  
  
_SPECIAL?! If I were special, Aya wouldn't hate me. If I were special I wouldn't feel like THIS!_   
And, as a result of Ken's wall-punching habit, his fist lashed out at the note before he could stop to think. Unfortunately, through the note also meant through the mirror.   
There was a loud crash as the mirror shattered. Ken wasn't quite sure if it was the mirror that broke or him. He looked down at the blood which was beginning to pour down his arm, and went into shock.   
Ken promptly sat down on the bathroom floor, and.....began to laugh.   
The noise of the mirror breaking got everyone's attention. Instinctively wondering if they were being attacked, all three other members of Weiss frantically dashed upstairs. Yohji and Omi got there first.   
"KEN-KUN!!!!" Omi looked positively horrified.   
"What the HELL?!" Yohji seemed to be having trouble making sense of the scene before him.   
Aya quickly appeared behind them, and shoved them aside so he could evaluate the situation. His eyes fell upon one blood-soaked (and apparently out of his mind) Ken, staring at his very very bloody arm and laughing his head off.   
Aya's eyes narrowed as the walked directly over to Ken. He leaned over and grabbing Ken's shirt roughly pulled him to his feet. His arm swung back, only to come forward again as his fist connected with Ken's face.  
  
Ken stopped laughing.   
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
Oh dear, I can predict the reviews already. "Why don't you think Aya deserves Ken? Why wouldn't someone like Aya?! Blah blah blah."   
Ok, Just because I make the characters think something, doesn't mean that's my personal opinion. But I do hold the opinion that anyone who lives lives like Weiss would probably have rather low self-esteem. So I hold the right to make Ken and Aya think negatively in this story. I needed the tension to build up enough to reach a breaking point...otherwise nothing would have happened. So there. Anyway, I think there's only one more chapter left. It's almost done!   
Thank You Pyrochan for helping me get the html to work! YAAAAAY! I probably put more effort into it than it was worth...but It worked! Bwahahaha! Thanks again! 


	10. Yohji wasn't lying

  
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After a few minutes spent gawking, Omi suddenly came to his senses and attempted to help Ken. But he was immediately stopped in his tracks by a glare from Aya, which seemed to clearly say _'don't even think about it' _. So Omi just stood there reluctantly and watched as Aya silently picked up the stunned Ken, and--as if this were nothing out of the ordinary--stomped off towards Ken's room. A few seconds later he reappeared in the bathroom, fished out the first aid kit, and left again without a word.   
  
"Um, getting the first aid kit means he's _not_ going to kill Ken-kun, right?" Asked Omi, not entirely confident in his assumption.   
  
"We can only hope." Was all Yohji could think to answer. "This is either going to turn out to be a very good thing for Ken...or a very very bad thing."   
  
Omi looked frustrated at the reminder that he was the only one still in the dark on the situation. "What do you mean, Yohji-Kun?"   
  
Yohji pretended to study his cigarette for a moment before answering. "I'll tell you if it's the good thing."   
  
_And god, I hope for Ken's sake that it is...._   
  
"But in the meantime, let's not go too far away, in case he needs rescuing."   
  
Omi nodded in agreement.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Very slowly, Ken was beginning to regain his capacity for coherent thought. He found himself in his bed, and someone was touching his arm...which was throbbing. He looked down, and was momentarily shocked at the sight of his own blood.   
  
_Oh yeah...the mirror...._   
  
Ken then looked up and was equally shocked at the sight of who was treating his self-inflicted injury.   
  
_AYA?!_   
  
Needless to say, Ken _really_ didn't want to be alone with that particular person right now.   
  
Ken turned his head and closed his eyes. _Maybe if I pretend I'm asleep he'll go away sooner._   
  
No such luck   
  
"Stop shaking."   
  
He was shaking? Ken hadn't even noticed. "I can't."   
  
"Yes you can." Aya replied in an unreadable voice. "I can't fix your arm if you shake like that."   
  
"Like you care" grumbled Ken. "You punched me."   
  
"Yes I did." Aya stated matter of factly.   
  
"So you can stop pretending to care about my arm. I'll fix it myself."   
  
"Why would I let you do that? You can't properly fix it with only one hand."   
  
"Because...." Ken got up enough courage to glance at Aya's face. It was only the second time he'd done so in over two weeks. "Because you hate me."   
  
There was a brief change in Aya's expression, but Ken still couldn't decipher it.   
  
"I don't hate you."   
  
"Yes you do. I could tell from the way you looked at me today. So don't go pretending you don't to try and spare my feelings. It'll only make me feel worse."   
  
"I don't hate you."   
  
"Then why did you punch me?"   
  
Aya seemed to consider this for a second. "Because I was mad at you."   
  
_Mad at me?! What could I have done to make him mad? I haven't even been around him! God, he's not still pissed at me for getting drunk?!_   
  
"What the hell did I do to make you mad?!"   
  
Aya looked a little shocked. _Isn't it obvious?_ He pointed at Ken's partially bandaged arm. "_That's_ what you did."   
  
"Huh?"   
  
Aya was actually starting to look a bit exasperated. "How did you expect me to feel after pulling a stunt like that?! I find you sitting in a pool of your own blood and--laughing?! If no one had been home, you would have just sat there and _watched_ yourself bleed to death! So, yes, I'll say that made me a little bit angry."   
  
Now it was Ken's turn to be shocked. _It almost actually sounded like Aya....cared....no, he's probably just worried about me affecting the missions...._   
  
"What's it to you if I bled to death?"   
  
Now Aya _was_ exasperated. "What's it to me?! Christ! Believe it or not, Ken, I actually _don't_ want to see you dead!"   
  
"That's not what that look you gave me today said."   
  
"What look?"   
  
"WHAT LOOK?! The 'You-are-lower-than-a-Takatori-and-I-depise-you-glare-of-death' you gave me when I said 'hi' to you this afternoon! THAT'S 'What look'!"   
  
"I gave you a look like that?" Aya looked genuinely puzzled.   
  
"YES!" Ken was almost shouting now, "YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE?!!! HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT SOMEONE LIKE THAT AND NOT EVEN NOTICE?!!!"   
  
"....."   
  
Aya looked uncomfortable. "....I'm sorry."   
  
Ken didn't look very convinced.   
  
"....."   
  
Aya turned and looked at the wall. "...I guess..."   
  
"...I guess....I was....I was just trying to protect myself."   
  
"From what?"   
  
"From you. And from Yohji......."   
  
"...And from myself, too, I guess."   
  
Ken looked confused. "From yourself?"   
  
"Yeah....I was afraid I'd start believing all Yohji's lies."   
  
Ken went cold. "Lies? What's Yohji been telling you Aya?"   
  
"Nothing. Don't worry about it. It's not important."   
  
"No, it is important. What's Yohji been saying?!"   
  
"Just....lies. Hurtful ones. It's nothing."   
  
Ken tried to pull himself into a sitting position, but Aya stopped him. "Don't move until I've finished fixing your arm."   
  
"Don't try to change the subject Aya, tell me what Yohji said."   
  
Aya looked very, very uncomfortable. He shifted nervously. "He's been going on about you liking me."   
  
Ken flinched. "And that's....hurtful....?"   
  
"It is when I know no one likes me."   
  
Ken steeled himself for the painful rejection he knew would come next. His voice dropped so low Aya could barely make out what he said.   
  
"I....like you."   
  
Ken couldn't bring himself to look up. He didn't want to see the disgust or horror that he knew would be betrayed by Aya's eyes.   
  
"What?"   
  
This was not exactly the reaction Ken had expected. "I said I like you, Aya. Yohji wasn't lying."   
  
_I can't believe he told you though._ Ken made a mental note to give Yohji a stern talking-to. If he survived this.   
  
Aya's voice sounded a little distant. "...I didn't believe him..."   
  
"Why not?" Ken hoped his voice was not wavering as much as it felt.   
  
"Why would you?....I'm not very likeable."   
  
Ken stopped to consider this. "You try damn hard not to be, yes."   
  
"Then why do you like me?"   
  
_Cause I'm probably a masochist_ Ken thought to himself bitterly. "I don't really know. I just…feel better when you're around, you know?" _Or at least I did before this stupid mess started._   
  
Ken had now lost his ability to look Aya in the face and focused on playing with the hem of his sheet. Aya was equally unnerved and focused on bandaging Ken's arm as if the fate of the world rested on how neat of a job he did. When Aya finally finished with the bandage, he stiffened and resumed eye contact.   
  
"Ken....Please do not take this the wrong way and be offended by what I am about to do."   
  
Ken braced himself, half expecting to get decked again. But Aya just turned around and deliberately stalked out of the room.   
  
Ken wasn't offended, but did take it the wrong way.   
  
_Yep, he definitely hates me._Ken thought gloomily, _ That was probably the last conversation I'll ever get to have with him._   
  
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-   
Hey, the moods getting a bit tense, huh? To alleviate some tension, I have decided to insert an imaginary chapter to this story….   
* * * *   
  
Ken: Aya……   
  
Aya: Ken……   
  
_Narrator: Aya is having a little trouble expressing his feelings….until he gets some help from his magical friend "Totoro"….._   
  
Ken: Holy Shit! A giant bear!   
  
Aya: Round figure….grey…white…whiskers….   
Aya: I'd recognize you anywhere, Takatori! Diiiiiie!   
  
Totoro: (starts eating the flower shop's lucky bamboo) rrwaaaaawhr....   
  
* * * *   
::cough cough:: Sorry 'bout that, had to get it out of my system. Now, back to the real story….   
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	11. Aya thinks too much

  
Warning: Saaaaap!!! Gah!!! And if there's one thing I suck at writing, there it is (love to read it of course, but can't write it properly if my life depended on it). I guess that's why this ended up so drawn out and angsty. I can do angst, oh yes, lovely lovely angst. But I hate angst if it doesn't get a happy ending so I sort of wrote myself into a corner here, and this chapter is the result. But in my defense, I think it needed to be all drawn out as it was. I mean, c'mon, do any of you for even a second think that Aya would just instantly have a magical transformation into a touchy-feely happy guy? I truly feel that in my last chapter if he had been put on the spot and forced to make a decision he would have gone the safe way and rejected Ken. And none of us wanted that, eh? So I didn't realize if I was sort of repeating the plot…I was just trying to stay true to how I felt Aya would genuinely act. I left the chapter off at a bad place though, sorry. It made his walking out seem a lot worse. It was supposed to keep going onto this chapter, where Aya has a nice little think and then goes right back to Ken. Heh heh. Well, I'll shut up now before I give away any more of the end of the story.   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Aya sat on the edge of his bed and starred out the window. He felt bad for walking out on Ken, but he just wasn't good at handling confrontations like this; violent ones where his life hung on a moment's decision, yes, but emotional ones where someone's feelings where on the line, no. He needed time to think before he could handle something like this, and Ken should know that.   
  
He tried to get a handle on how he felt. Shocked? No. Subconsciously, he had known. It was probably why he had denied it so much. He didn't want to deal with the complications that truth would bring. If he truly hadn't believed it, Ken's behavior wouldn't have bothered him so much.   
  
So what is it then? Disappointment? Anger? No....well, he was a tad angry, but it was at himself, for refusing to accept something right in front of his face because he was scared. He was scared? Was that it? A little...well, more so now that he had that gruesome mental image of Ken bleeding to death _and doing nothing about it._ Ken had defiantly become unhinged.   
  
Because of me? Did I do that just by doing nothing? By being myself? Am I even myself anymore?   
  
He was going to have to make a decision, but he wasn't even sure how he felt. And every minute he took would make things worse with Ken. _Not that things aren't already bad enough._   
  
Aya remembered the look of utter hopelessness that had been on Ken's face. It was obvious he wasn't expecting anything of him. It would be so easy to say no.... Ken would probably be content just for Aya to continue to treat him as normal.   
  
But then, look at where treating him normally had got him already.   
Seeing Ken like that had really hurt. He never wanted to have to see Ken like that again. He wanted him to be happy. But wanting Ken to be happy did not necessarily mean wanting to be with Ken...did it? Was such a thing even an option to consider?   
  
Aya reflected back on the history of his love life...the one whole relationship that it consisted of. A relationship that mainly came to be because a high school classmate had asked him out, and Aya (or Ran) had been flattered and didn't know how to turn her down. This classmate, who Ran had barely even known, turned out to have three hobbies. The first was pursing boys. A boyfriend caught, she now had more time to focus on her secondary interests; namely fawning over J-pop stars and trying to persuade her new boyfriend to win her prizes out of UFO catchers. Hobby number two left Ran bored to tears, and hobby number three left Ran broke. He wasn't sure if he was an utter failure at the catcher machines, or if Keiko (that _was_ her name, right?) just picked the heaviest, and most difficult prizes to pursue. Either way, Ran decided that having a girlfriend was entirely too expensive and dumped her in favor of being able to afford to eat. It had been an unrewarding experience, to say the least.   
  
_But things would be different with Ken....   
  
Heh, it was hardly possible for things to be any more different with Ken. Aside from the glaringly obvious point that Ken is, well a guy, there is also the point that he has a personality...and well, he's basically only seen the bad sides of me...and he likes me anyway....._   
  
Aya let himself fall backwards on his bed and crossed his arms over his face. He wasn't ready to deal with this yet. He needed a chance to be himself again; he needed Aya back, he wanted Takatori dead. How could he start a relationship while he still had baggage like that?   
  
_But what if Aya never wakes up...   
  
What if I never get Takatori...   
  
Do I really want to risk spending my whole life like this for...nothing?   
  
Ken is one of the only people who could ever actually understand why I'm like this...it might be my only chance to be with someone who wouldn't be endangered by being with me...who wouldn't interfere with my goals....   
  
But what if it doesn't work out? That might just take enough out of me to ruin my chances of ever getting Takatori. It might even start to interfere with missions. Without missions, I'd have no way to keep Aya in the hospital...and....   
  
I think way too much._   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
"It's awful quiet in there."   
  
Omi shifted the tray of tea he was carrying which served as their makeshift excuse for intruding on Ken's room. Yohji pressed his ear closer to the door. "Nope. Not a sound. That means they're either too preoccupied to talk (heh heh) or Aya's gone."   
  
"I'd put my money on number two." Remarked Omi.   
  
"Sadly, so would I."   
  
Yohji coughed very deliberately and counted to three before opening the door. Aya was most definitely not present. Ken appeared to be lying in his bed. He was very, very still.   
  
"Uh, hey, Ken-kun, we brought you some tea." Omi peered over the lump on the bed. "Ken-kun?"   
  
Yohji poked the lump with his finger. "Hey, com'on, Kenken. Talk to us!"   
  
Ken just starred fixedly at the ceiling and refused to move.   
  
"Ken-kun, you're scaring me!" Omi shook him. "Keeeeen-kun!"   
  
Ken didn't even blink.   
  
"Shock?" Asked Omi, turning to Yohji.   
  
"Hm, looks like it. I think I need to have a little talk with our friend Aya. It appears that he failed miserably at fixing him up."   
  
"At least he didn't kill him, huh, Yohji-kun?"   
  
"No, not yet."   
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
Aya jumped at the unexpected intrusion of banging on his door. He had no intention of answering it, but Yohji had accounted for that and immediately burst in, invited or not.   
  
"Alright, what the hell did you do to him?!"   
  
"Nothing."   
  
"Ken going catatonic does not constitute 'nothing'!"   
  
Aya scowled. "Stay out of this, Yohji."   
  
"NO. I will _not_ stay out of this." Yohji pulled Aya off the bed and kicked him towards the door. "Now you are going back to Ken's room and you're gonna fix this. Or you are not going to be very popular around here anymore."   
  
_Ooh, now there's a threat that really scares me._ Aya thought to himself sarcastically. But he said nothing and headed towards Ken's room without a second glance at Yohji.   
  
Aya lightly knocked on the door. "Ken?"   
  
There was no response, so he opened it and cautiously stepped into the room. "Ken?" he asked again. Still no answer.   
  
Aya approached the bed and leaned over Ken. "Ken, I'm sorry." He said quietly. Ken turned on his side and pulled the blanket over his head.   
  
"Ken, I'm sorry I left. I needed to think things over. I'm not good with emotional confrontations."   
  
"Obviously."   
  
"That's how I am and I'm sorry. C'mon Ken, look at me."   
  
Ken pulled the blanket further over his head and mumbled, "Just leave me alone. You can forget what I said, don't worry about it."   
  
"Ken, I wouldn't have come back if I wanted to forget it, and you know that."   
  
Aya gently yanked the blanket down off Ken's head. Ken immediately winced and shut his eyes; partly because of the sudden glare, and partly because he didn't want Aya to see how red they were.   
  
"Ken, please look at me."   
  
The nearness of Aya's voice startled him. Ken cautiously opened his eyes only to find Aya inches away from his face. _eep. What is he doing?_ Thought Ken apprehensively.   
  
"I'm really sorry Ken, but if you're going to like me, I have to warn you ahead of time that I really suck at handling people's feelings...."   
  
"Heh," Ken laughed nervously, "I sorta figured that out already."   
  
"...So it's probably in your best interest to get out while you can."   
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" _He's trying to talk me out of how I feel?! arrgh, I can't take much more of this!!_   
  
"It means," Aya said, as he leaned a little closer to Ken's face, "I'm still not sure if I can handle this, but I'm willing to give it a try."   
  
Ken most definitely did not need a mirror to tell how red his face must be at that moment.   
  
"uh....'it'?" Ken knew he was pressing his luck, but he wasn't going to let himself believe that Aya really meant what he seemed to be implying until he heard it spelled out.   
  
"Us."   
  
Aya really meant to close the gap and...(he felt weird even thinking this)...kiss Ken. The timing seemed perfect (well from what he had inferred from movies and books on how such a scenario ought to play out)...but he just couldn't do it. It wasn't him, at least not yet anyway. _Maybe it's cause I'm still thinking too much..._   
  
But Ken decided to solve that problem, leaned forward, and kissed Aya first. Well, sorta. He was shaking so much it was hard for him keep contact with Aya, and he broke it off fairly quickly so that he could start apologizing for what a lousy kisser he was....   
  
...Which was just enough to snap Aya out of his lengthy internal monologue (or was it a debate team?) and decide that their 'lousy first kiss' was actually quite nice _not to mention that Ken's reaction to it was adorable...wow, when was the last time I used the word 'adorable'?!_ and decided to make a proper job of it. Ken's protests were abruptly cut off, as Aya made sure to thoroughly preoccupy him.   
  
Ken slowly started to calm down, but didn't completely stop shaking. The realization suddenly dawned on Aya that Ken was probably going to need to take things even slower than he was.   
  
_Here I was so concerned about how this would effect **me**, and Ken wasn't any more certain about his feelings than I was._   
  
Aya wrapped his arms tighter around Ken in attempt to quell the shaking. Ken once again broke off the kiss (this time to Aya's disappointment) and tilted his head so that his forehead rested against Aya's. Aya looked up and was met with the first look of genuine affection he'd received since losing his sister.   
  
_Idiot._ Aya told himself, _I just couldn't accept that for once things might actually turn out ok._   
  
~ ~ ~   
  
Finito!!!   
  
~ ~ ~   
  
I did it! I actually finished this! (I didn't think I would when I started, you know). Reviews have magical motivation powers, or something.   
I even went back and fixed the html code so the whole story is consistent. I did a slight bit of edititing as well.   
My editor (a.k.a. my-younger-sister-who's-a-better-writer-than-me) confirmed my suspicions that the confession conversation sounded really fake. I warned you, I suck at sap. I made some very slight changes, but for the most part I just couldn't figure out how I could change it and still arrive at the end scenerio I wanted. I tried, I really did. Maybe someday I'll figure it out and go back and fix it. For now I'll just appologize in case you found that scene painful to read. Soooorry!   
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